That Just Happened!

Well, folks, here it is.  My wrap up of 2010 challenges and status updates.

I started off the year with the best of intentions, but I just couldn’t keep up with the 2010 Social Justice Challenge. 

I think I got through to March and then I just abandoned it.  I really wasn’t able to give it the time it deserved, but I love the premise for this challenge and I like that there was more to it than reading.  I read about Religious Freedom, Water, and Domestic Violence and Abuse.  Pretty heavy topics, if I do say so myself.

I had much better luck with the 2010 Young Adult Reading Challenge.  I had committed to reading at least 12 YA books and I read more, but I only counted 12.

 I would say the highlight to this was the introduction to the Hunger Games Trilogy.  What a great series! 

The TwentyTen Challenge was pretty cool because it forced me to read a wider range of books.  I think my favourite category was the Bad Blogger, in which I picked up recommendations from Jenners and Alyce.  I managed to complete this challenge with no problems at all.

I also kicked butt at the 2010 Support Your Local Library Challenge.  Especially because for most of this year I didn’t really have a library.  They closed my branch for construction and any book you wanted to borrow you had to put it on hold and they would call you when it was in.  Despite waiting 6 months for some titles I managed to go well over the 50 book pledge, but stopped counting at 53. 

For the last month and leading into 2011 my library is completely closed, so all the books I had on hold were going to be sent to another branch.  However, they have not called me once to tell me a book is in, so I think this year I will have to buy/borrow more books than I wanted to.  Especially since the next closest branch has no parking.  What library has no parking?  Isn’t that why I moved to the suburbs?  To drive my car around and be able to park it in ample lots that used to be green spaces?  Isn’t that my right?!

Anyway…

As always I am still working my way through the Governor General Award Winners for Fiction.  I managed to get quite a few read this year, but here’s the thing.  Some of them are boooring.  Some of them are no longer in print and very hard/impossible to find.  I’m going to keep plugging away at this in the next year.

Santa was really good to me this year and brought me a classic literature library with 52 books!!!!   I cried when I saw them.  I literally cried with happiness.  Some of them I have read and some of them I already have copies of, so I am probably going to be giving away the duplicates that I have.  Look forward to My First Giveaway!  in 2011 (and tell your friends).

I also wanted to briefly comment on the lack of challenges being hosted this year.  Is it me, or is there a little bit of a lull?  Are we all challenged out?  Maybe we just want to read whatever we feel like?  Maybe I’m missing something? 

I want to thank all of you for sticking it out through this year.  I can’t believe that after posting “The Grossest Story I will Ever publish on my Blog“  I didn’t lose a single reader.  That either means that most of the readers are my family, or  that you really like hearing about my vajayjay.  Weirdos. 

I hope that your New Years is filled with luck and cheer and you are able to spend time with loved ones. 

Yeah, That Just Happened!

Evans, Patricia.  The Verbally Abusive Relationship.  Adams Media Corporation (1996).

This was a great book to help you recognize the signs of abuse. There are a lot of checklists, which help to organize the matter easily. I love checklists because they help me to organize my everyday life, set goals and think through problems critically; so for me, this is a desirable feature of the book. Also, I liked the use of real-world examples used throughout. Although not everything is going to be exactly like your own relationship, hopefully if you are in a verbally abusive relationship, one of the examples will resonate with you.

The author acknowledges the part that children play in your decision to stay with an abusive person.  She doesn’t treat abuse in isolation, but recognizes it can be a relationship of long-standing abuse with many facets.  I respect that she touches on the overall ways to stop abuse (saying no, setting limits, acknowledging behaviour as abuse), but she doesn’t claim her book will help you to fix it all.  In fact, many of her examples come from therapy sessions with abuse victims and she advocates seeking help, either a with therapist or women’s shelter, for example.  This book is merely a tool to help you recognize the abusive relationship and the behaviours that the abuser might use; and give an overview on how that is going to change and how to do it.

There are different types of verbally abusive relationships and it is the easiest type of abuse to cover up.  The wounds are internal, the abuser is very cunning and it can escalate so gradually you acclimatize to the behaviour instead of seeing it for what it is.  I think this book really hammers home the point that verbal abuse is still abuse.  Which means you shouldn’t stand for it and those around you should stand by you no matter what you decide in the end. 

This was written from a male abuser, female victim perspective.  At the end  Evans answers some FAQs and says that the male’s experience of abuse is different and since she is a woman she was not the best qualified to handle that.

There are many books out there designed to help you with your relationship, but I feel that this is a great starting point if you suspect you are in, or know someone who is in, an abusive relationship.

This month’s theme for the Social Justice Challenge is Domestic Violence and Child Abuse.  The first thing I think about when this topic comes to mind is men abusing women or children physically.  Unfortunately, there are many other ways of abusing another and it isn’t just against women and children.  There are  men out there who have been beaten by their spouses, sexually molested by family or strangers, raped, or taken advantage of.  It is rare that they come forward because of how our society views “manliness”.  A lot of people automatically think “How do you rape a man?  He could just…not,” or “men really want it all the time, so he probably secretly liked it,” or “his wife beat him, what a wimp.”  It is important that people’s concept of abuse changes, myself included.  It is not just against women and children, it can happen to anyone at any time of their life.

What makes Domestic Violence and Abuse so terrifying is that it occurs at the hands of the people who are supposed to protect you and love you the most.  It can happen to anyone and at any time.  Abusive situations do not necessarily happen at the beginning of a relationship and can escalate over time.  Abusers do not have any identifying characteristics that warn you.  I was recently at an event where I met the boyfriend of someone’s family member.  He looked just like MPW; same size, really shy, was wearing a sweater I know hangs in MPW’s closet…but I know for a fact this guy is extremely violent to his partner.  He has even been put in jail because of it.  It really threw me off.  I never  would have guessed that he was like that behind closed doors, especially because he reminded me of MPW.   

One of the most common types of abuse that I have witnessed has been verbal abuse.  It is easy to forget this is  in fact abuse because there are no visible wounds or scars.  Instead of seeing it as abuse, you can see it as “kids being kids” or “teenage girls” or just that two people aren’t meant to be together because they argue a lot.  It isn’t just men vs. women, but is often seen on the playground, or in schools in the form of bullying.  Verbal abuse can often escalate.  Bullies can leave taunts behind for wedgies and secret punches.  A spouses’ rage can overspill into a push then a punch.  Verbal abuse can also be seen in the workplace.  Bosses calling their assistants “useless” or “stupid”, or coworkers teasing another mercilessly.  To explore the verbal abusive relationship further, this month I have chosen a book that touches on this issue, which I will post a review for tomorrow. 

For children in Canada there is the Kids Help Phone 1-800-668-6868, which is a number for children to call that puts kids in touch with counsellors that can help them deal with situations like domestic violence, bullying, eating disorders, verbal abuse, etc. I really encourage you to click on the link and explore this organization further.  I think it is absolutely the best resource for kids in Canada to get help.  It is accessible, it is anonymous and confidential, and the operators are available 24/7.  The following is taken right from their website and it outlines some of the important things about the organization.

Things you should know about Kids Help Phone:

1. We’re Canada’s only toll-free, 24-hour, bilingual and anonymous phone counselling, referral and Internet service for children and youth. Every day, professional counsellors provide immediate, caring support to young people in urban and rural communities across the country.
2. The service is completely anonymous and confidential – we don’t trace calls, we don’t use call display. You don’t even have to tell us your name if you don’t want to.
3. We have more than 10,000 volunteers across the country including about 1,700 youth volunteers that we call Student Ambassadors. If you’re interested in volunteering, contact your local Kids Help Phone chapter for more information.
4. We hold fundraising eventsall the time – things like Bowlathons, movie days and the The Walk for Kids in support of Kids Help Phone help us raise the funds we need to be there when kids call or post online.
5. Calling Kids Help Phone or posting an online question is free for young people across Canada – but running the service isn’t free. We rely on donations from individuals, companies, clubs and associations to ensure we can continue being there for kids 24/7.
6. Posters, brochures, PSAs and music videos supporting Kids Help Phone can be viewed here.

Want to learn more? Visit our corporate site – there’s no counselling offered there, just great information about Kids Help Phone.