That Just Happened!

For the start to this, you can go here. 

Around 10 months ago I went to my family doctor complaining of pelvic pain, cramps in the middle of my cycle and abnormal bleeding.  Grossed out yet?  I know I was!  She referred me to a gynecologist to help sort everything out.  So off I go to this wonderful woman who was going to answer all of my unasked questions and cure me of this ridiculous pain.

Except she didn’t.  What she did do was freak out  when I wouldn’t stop bleeding all over her table.  She just sat there frozen in panic mumbling, “I’ve never seen anything like this, I’ve never seen anything like this.”  Um thanks, B*tch.  So she goes flying out the the room to find nitrus sticks to stop the bleeding  and leaves the door wide open.  Yeah, I’m still lying on the table half-naked with my feet around my ears!  Geeeeeze, woman.  So she finally manages to get the situation under control and I am freaking out a bit inside.  “Okay, I think I fixed it,” she said.

Fixed what?!  You didn’t even know what was wrong!  She goes to end the appointment and as an after thought she says, “You will probably have cramps and some bleeding.”  “Great,” I replied, “the person sitting next to me on the plane is going to love  that.”  “What do you mean?” she asks.  “Well, since you kept me waiting 2 hours  before the appointment, I now have about 1.5 hours before I have to be on a plane to Calgary, soooo that’s going to suck.” 

She gave me 2 Tylenol on the way out, but they didn’t have any water, so I had to take it when I got home.  I went on the plane and was fine, but the bleeding didn’t exactly stop for a few days.  Grossed out?  I know I was!

I returned to my family doctor and told her the whole story  nightmare.  She was appropriately horrified and recommended me to a specialist at St. Michael’s Hospital in downtown Toronto (affectionately known around these parts as St. Mike’s).  So, off I go to see another specialist  flash my vajayjay to another person I don’t know.  I get an appointment relatively quickly and see him in July.

 This doctor was amazing!  First of all, he apologized for the other quack who saw me previously.  He said, “that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.  Of course, it is obvious what is going on here, I see it frequently.”  I swear I sighed a bit in relief.  In fact, I could see it too because they have this wonderful thing at St Mike’s that projects your lady business onto a TV screen in extreme  close up so that you can watch the doctor work.  Um, yeah.  Grossed out?  I know I was!  All I could think about was, “sorry about the grooming down there.  My vajayjay and I haven’t exactly been taking care of each other as we should.”  Have you ever seen your lady bits up close?  For someone who has seen torture movies, pictures of war zones, read horrific accounts of third-world countries…nothing could have prepared me for that.  Sorry ladies, I ain’t ever going to play for your team now!

He tells me that part of the problem is the cells on my cervix are not changing fast enough because I havetoo much estrogen in my body.  If I wasn’t taking birth control pills, it would be even worse.  Basically, your cervical cells start off really soft, like the inside of your lip, but hormones toughen it up so it feels more like the outside of your lip.  Except, mine don’t.  Mine stay delicate and soft, so it is more easily aggravated.  The solution?  Manually toughening them up with more freezing.  Oh, and removing a polyp.  Grossed out?  I know I was!   At least I was reassured, and this doctor has the most wonderful bed-side manner.  He makes you feel as though it’ s really no big deal and that it is totally treatable.  Exactly what I needed to hear.

He sent me out with the promise to return and book a follow up.  Great, all better.  Except…not.  Upon my return I describe the pain I am still feeling (although the bleeding has   stopped).  He takes another look and says to me.  “I cannot say this conclusively, because to be absolute certain surgery is required, but based on the number of women I have seen, and your symptoms, I am saying I am pretty  sure you have endometriosis.” 

WHAT?!?!  THE?!?!?!  HELL?!?!?!  (Okay so, hell wasn’t exactly the word that came to mind.)  Endometriosis?  But, but…

Okay, so where do we go from here?  Surgery?! 

Yep, sure do. 

Part Two of this lovely, gross tale tomorrow.  In the mean time…Yeah, That Just Happened!

It hurts and is extremely uncomfortable.  It hurts to laugh, or cough (which I feel like I have to do a lot of) and I can feel a big ball moving inside of my belly.  “Baby?”  y0u may ask.  Nope, gas.  A big ball of gas caused from 4 laproscopic incisions in my belly.  Incisions caused by the surgery I had yesterday.  Thank goodness for MPW, I haven’t actually seen the incisions, he has done all the nursing and changing of the gauze.  Right now he is out running errands and I am bored and wide awake.  They said I would probably be tired, but I don’t really feel it.  Just bored. 

Things I have learned in the last few days. 

1. The sight of IV needles makes me want to cry.  And itch.
2. Not being able to eat breakfast sucks.  Big time. 
3. No matter how mentally prepared you are, when you lie on the surgical table for the first time, you’re going to cry.  People being nice to you and trying to reassure you will just make you cry harder.
4. If you go under anesthetic crying you will wake up crying.
5. Tell the anesthesiologist if you are easily nauseated because then they give you this wonderful medicine that prevents it.
6. I have good anatomy for sticking tubes down my throat (Heh.)
7. You use your tummy muscles for a lot of things.
8. The anesthetic makes my forehead break out into hundreds of red pin-needle sized blister/pimple thingies.
9. The staff at St. Mike’s are AWESOME  and they really went out of their way to be cheery and helpful and reassuring and funny.
10. The nurse was right.  I will really want a shower and by the time I get to have one I will be desperate for it.  Only 30 more hours to go.
11. MPW had to help me get dressed after surgery and watch as I put a Always maxi pad on my underwear.  I feel like that may have been the most intrusive part of my day.
12. No one cares that you are in the a wheelchair when exiting the elevator.  Especially if they are on their pink, sparkly BlackBerry.  Jerk.
13. My sister, Stephtastic is fantastic (which I kinda already knew).  She brought me magazines, and ice cream and told me funny Oprah stories. 
14. No matter how bad it gets…I can do it.  I can get myself out of bed, I can walk around, I can deal with it. 

So, what was I doing crying all over Doogie Houser aka “the-world’s-youngest-looking-medial-resident” who was helping with the anaesthetic, while squeezing the nurse’s hand as she dried my tears and I tried to have a conversation?  I was getting my lady-business sorted out.  Yep, me and my lady-bits have been at odds the last few years, and it was time to find out why.  So, Monday I will start to tell you the story of how I came to be in this mess. In the mean time I think I may go lie down for a bit.  And there is ice cream calling my name.

Yeah, That Just Happened!

I am a bit behind in posting some book reviews, so this week and next that is primarily what I am going to be posting.  I hope everyone in the U.S. had an  awesome Thanksgiving and spent some time with loved ones.  This weekend was particularly busy for MPW and I.  We did a lot of visiting and my dear friends Becky and Jeremy were kind enough to dog-sit for us.  (She is, after all, a super dog sitter.)

On Saturday we went to my Aunt Sharon’s house to visit with her and the family.  She lives outside the GTA, in a small community, so it kind of feels like you are going to a cottage.  In the summer there is even a river that you can go tubing down!  It was a lot of fun to see them and catch up.  Then it was on to the next stop…

That night we went to Chris and Elizabeth’s house for their annual Christmas party.  It was so nice to hang around and not have to worry about the dog, or getting home in time to take the dog out.  Their little girl, Sydney, is one year old soon and quite the little mover.  She is all over the place, though as the night went on and she got sleepier she was walking like she was on a swaying boat. 

This was taken 6 months ago, so you can imagine how big she’s become.  Unfortunately, MPW and I both didn’t think to bring our cameras. 

The other awesome part about this weekend was being able to spend time with people who are super excited for MPW and I.  Yes, that’s right.  Excited.  For our news.  And now I get to share it with all of my bloggy-friends.  MPW and I are engaged!  Yes, after 9 years of relationship bliss (and a lot of not-so-subtle hints), we have   MPW has finally decided to make it official.  And I have the ring to prove it!   We’re looking at 2012 to get married, so there is a lot of time to plan this thing.  Also, I promise I will keep posting about books and random other stuff, I have no intention of turning this into a wedding-planning blog.  There may be the occasional story, because weddings get crazy and people who have them get crazy and people who help with them get crazy, and of course I would have to share, but the wedding stuff will be kept to a minimum.  So, yeah.  I feel like an elephant has been lifted off my chest, but another slightly smaller animal is taking the spot…there is a lot to do.  However, for now we are just going to enjoy being engaged.  I haven’t even bought a wedding magazine yet!  (Hey, I sad “yet”, there will be magazines.)  I’m getting married!!!

YEAH, THAT JUST HAPPENED!