MPW and I went to IKEA the other night in search of a few little pick-me-ups for our place. Hanging up in our windows until now have been vertical blinds that I think were original to the building and were reminiscent of 80’s office decor. You know, the kind that has since been proven to have an abnormally high lead content and removed from office spaces everywhere in the 1990’s. Well, after living here for two years MPW and I decided it was time for a change, so we headed to where any couple on a budget can go and find cute, gender neutral things at affordable prices.

Let’s be honest: the best thing about IKEA is the 50 cent hot dogs and $1 ice cream. After our trip I felt we deserved it, so we entered the very long line and proceeded to inch slowly towards the cashier. The problem was, there was some lady who wanted a bag because she realized she couldn’t carry her hot dog, fruit cup and sparkling wine as well as the 10 individually wrapped glass bowls and glasses she had just purchased. She wanted the bag, folks, but she didn’t want to have to pay for it. For the 50 cent bag! Perhaps she blew her wad on the discount dog, I don’t know, but for whatever reason this woman spent 10 minutes at the cash and would not leave or move to the side.

Like in every horror movie where zombies are involved, the masses kept on coming. There were 50 cent hot dogs to be had, for cryin’ out loud! 50. Cent. Hot. Dogs. Although there was nowhere to go, in the 10 minutes that lady stood there, the line kept creeping forward, faces turned upward to the luminous sign ahead. “Do I want one hot dog or two?” I pondered as the little girl behind me became the little girl beside me, and then the little girl in front of me. People continued to squish up out of the queue, trying to place their order with the IKEA employee who looked like she wanted to bury her head behind the counter to protect her delicious yummy brains head.

Since there was nothing to do but wait and debate the one hot dog or two issue, I wasn’t too surprised when a dispute broke out behind me. “You need to go to a therapist for that,” a man’s voice boomed. I couldn’t help but think that he was having quite the heavy conversation with his friend for being in an IKEA line. Then I realized he didn’t know the person he was speaking to. The altercation escalated when the man behind him didn’t back up (as if he could). “Do you understand English? Do you know what a psychiatrist is? You need one!” The first man shrieked as he grabbed his kid’s shoulder and pressed hard. “You need to back up! Back up! Don’t get so close to me again!” By now he was practically shouting in the other man’s face. To give the second guy credit; he didn’t respond, didn’t get mad or embarrassed, he just tried his hardest to back up out of that guy’s face, which was quite the feat considering how we were standing three-a-breast in a two-a-breast queue.

You know, I get it. I get it. I really do. You come out to IKEA for what should be a 30 minute trip, an hour tops, but you forget what a time suck IKEA can be and stumble out 3 hours later with a bunch of cheap sh*t that costs you more than you thought you would be paying. You’ve waited in the world’s longest check-out queue only to find out that some lanes only take cash, some only take credit cards, and some take both and there are at least two people ahead of you who can’t figure out which is which so they let some people go ahead, leave the line, and re-enter the line (you don’t mind, right? I mean they were here before you). You finally pay and are trying to juggle all of your purchases that were supposed to be affordable, but ended up costing you more than your car payment for the month and all you want is a G.D. 50 CENT DOG for your kid who should have been in bed AN HOUR AGO and this WACKADOODLE is pushing up on ya like they’re a video ho and you’re paying their rent. You would like to be rational at this point and calmly discuss proper line etiquette and personal space, but you’re pretty sure your brain checked out 30 minutes ago and even more sure the guy in front of you has been muttering “braaaains” under his breath for at least 5 minutes.

However, yelling at someone with your kid there because you want a 50 cent hot dog is really lame and embarrassing for everyone who is not you. So chill, man. We’re all getting felt up together and it will be over soon, so close your eyes and take it like a man. There’s a 50 cent hot dog in it for you, and if you’re real good, a $1 ice cream too.

That Just Happened!

*this is based on no facts whatsoever, I just thought it made a good title for this post. Disney could, and probably does, have the best hot dogs.

So the 100 mile Fitness Challenge ended on June 30.  I’m what you call a “peak too sooner”.  (Points if you can name that movie).  I am not going to embarrass myself by putting the week-by-week description, but I would like to say I did better than I thought.  I also did a lot of my miles in the middle of the challenge.  So the grand total is…

40 miles! (or 64.3737600002575 kilometers!)

Definitely not as good as someone who did 454 miles(!!), but pretty respectable.  I almost got half way to my goal.  I definitely won’t be trying to go out and exercise to make up for it considering the heat wave we have been experiencing in Toronto.  It’s almost midnight and it’s still 81°F, or 27°C.  All I can think is how lucky I am not to be living in my first apartment that did not have any a/c, was on the top floor and did not have an easy way to install a portable a/c.  It was hot all year-round (like shorts and T-Shirt hot) despite having the patio doors to the covered balcony open all year round.  I have been thinking about the person who is living in there now and how I really hope they found a way to make it work.  One day it was so hot that my smoke detector started beeping because the apartment got that hot.

This is a view from my bedroom into the covered balcony. There was a door leading into the dining room and a long one into the family room. My apartment was U-shaped. It trapped heat in and didn't let it out.

Now I am living in the lap of luxury with a functioning a/c.  Well…until the power goes out because of everyone using so much electricity trying to stay cool.

Yeah, That Just Happened!

Sorry I have been MIA the last two weeks.  I have a good reason, I promise!  Last Thursday I went to Calgary to visit my dear friend Mille!  Quite the lovely birthday present from MPW and Mille.  The days leading up to it I was, of course, very nervous.  Travelling and me only get along when it’s over.  I like visiting and I like vacations, but I really wish there was some way to transport myself there directly, rather than put up with all the motion sickness and stress of travelling.  

What is going on with my bangs? Eesh!

Anyway, so Thursday night I arrived in Calgary and Mille and I talked and caught up until 3am her time (which is 5am my time) and it was off to bed.  What would a reunion be without a marathon gossip sesh?  The next day I went shopping with her so that she could buy clothes for her Vegas trip.  Trust me, spending other people’s money is a vacation for me!  I love shopping and I love being able to find clothes for other people that they love. Mission accomplished.  Of course, I couldn’t miss the Friday night shows, so we headed back to her place to watch TLC wedding shows, after the most delish sushi I have had in a long time. 

On Saturday I got to check out her new apartment that she will be moving to at the end of June with her two roomies.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get to meet the fabulous Jay, but I saw his deoderant, so I count that as a win.  On Saturday night it was off to the bar for some people-watching and dancing.  I realized two things.  I am too old for this sh*t and limboing is not sexy, no matter how much you gyrate when doing it (*ahem* blond stick insect on the floor).  

Sunday was my birthday!  Whoot!  It was also Mother’s Day, so Happy Mother’s Day to all you lovelies out there who were brave enough to have a baby and not kill it when it reached teen-aged years, blaming it on delayed post-partum depression.  For my birthday Mille’s lovely boyfriend Sam came with us to go to Banff.  The problem was, Mother Nature was a bit hormonal (probably all the mushy Mother’s Day cards) and couldn’t make up her mind between hail, snow, rain, and sun.  This picture was taken out the front of the car.  Half the mountains were dark and rainy, the other half was sunny. 

Mother Nature is amazing!

So we kept driving on to Lake Lousie, where my friend Krys worked ages and ages ago. 

At this point I was getting a little car sick.

Ah, Lake Lousie.  How gorgeous you are. 

The Hotel at Lake Louise

Then it was back through the mountains for a birthday dinner and Dairy Queen for dessert!  Yum! 

I have a picture of this same mountain from 3 years ago when I drove with Mille out to Calgary when she moved.

Not really 2007, the date on my camera was reset.

The next few days Mille was working, so I had a lot of time to catch up on my reading.  I should have some reviews to post very soon.  Mille also convinced me to go to a Yoga class.  Again I learned two things.  One, I am too old for this sh*t and two, I couldn’t “look inward” if someone socked me in the face and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.   Although, I do have terrific balance.  

I am glad to be back in Ontario, although I left it at a balmy 24 degrees and went to Calgary (which was 7 degrees) and then came back to 6 degree weather.  The air is also so much thinner there because they are 3500 feet higher than we are, so it did take a bit getting used to it. Oh and one more picture for you.  Sam graciously sat in the back seat on the way to and from Lake Louise, however, the seat belts in Mille’s car tend to get stuck closer to you the more you wriggle around.  In an attempt to readjust his sweater he ended up getting caught.  And I ended up getting a picture. 

All I heard was a strangled eep from the back seat and "oh man!" He was really stuck in there.

Yeah, That Just Happened!