That Just Happened!

Rarely do I tackle such risqué topics as “sexting”, but it has recently become a hot button issue.  From politicians to teens, it seems as though everyone is getting in on the action.  Not only has it affected how we send naked pictures of ourselves, it has forever changed the dating scene.  Gone are the days when one would have to wait a week for the naked picture to be developed by some pervy guy looking at your darkroom; now sending your biggest piece of blackmail is instant.  Words, pictures, ringtones…the options are now endless; there are so many ways to embarrass yourself.  Rarely is sexting successful, though.  Inevitably the picture gets posted to FB, the text messages to TFLN, and the contents shared with all of your friends via Twitter.  More often than not the person on the receiving end is only willing to play along for so long before getting bored and thinking about ways to publically humiliate you.

Sexting's Poster Boy

Kricket (an intrepid dater in the city) has recently brought to my attention a major sexting faux pas.  After just two get-to-know-you dates with this one guy (we shall henceforth refer to him as Sexting Offender, or S.O. for short) he decided to drop some explicit instructions via text message.  For decency’s sake she wouldn’t repeat his salacious request, but when your friend won’t repeat something over coffee with the girls, you know it’s bad.

Can you imagine going on your third date and instead of wondering if you should finally  make a move to the bedroom, saying, “I would really like to suck your toes.  No?  Can we talk dirty about it?  How about you take a picture with your camera and when the picture develops in a week you can mail it to me?  Thanks.”    What makes it okay to make the request through cyber space?  Fantasizing about whatever you want is really your business, but why do so many assume that the person they are sharing with feel the same way?  Perhaps since you don’t have to look them in the face when you talk about your sinful business in detail, the benefits begin to outweigh the costs.  Con: the receiver of the sext may not feel the same way and not talk to you again, but after 2 dates, how invested are you anyway?  Pro: If they do feel the same way then you get to have your dirty little dream come true after 2 dates! 

And what ever happened to sextiquette?   You cannot after two dates and a handful of emails submit your naughty request without so much as a, “hey I was thinking about u 2day…naked.”  Maybe, if you offered a bit more foreplay you would at least get a warmer reception; instead of an immediate “F off” it would be “Oh, I’m not in2 dat.  Srry!  GL wit dat tho :) ”

And if whatever you’re requesting is really what you are into, perhaps meeting people on a general dating site is the wrong way to go, S.O.  There is something for everyone on the internet, so there is probably a forum out there dedicated to people who share your proclivities.  At the very least you are guaranteed better success.  For example, if you just can’t get enough of those little piggies, I’m sure there’s a site for that.  And as Stephtastic pointed out, at the very least you can go to a shoe store.  You’ll know when they’re into it because you will be the only two people not trying on shoes.

That Just Happened!

MPW and I went to IKEA the other night in search of a few little pick-me-ups for our place. Hanging up in our windows until now have been vertical blinds that I think were original to the building and were reminiscent of 80’s office decor. You know, the kind that has since been proven to have an abnormally high lead content and removed from office spaces everywhere in the 1990’s. Well, after living here for two years MPW and I decided it was time for a change, so we headed to where any couple on a budget can go and find cute, gender neutral things at affordable prices.

Let’s be honest: the best thing about IKEA is the 50 cent hot dogs and $1 ice cream. After our trip I felt we deserved it, so we entered the very long line and proceeded to inch slowly towards the cashier. The problem was, there was some lady who wanted a bag because she realized she couldn’t carry her hot dog, fruit cup and sparkling wine as well as the 10 individually wrapped glass bowls and glasses she had just purchased. She wanted the bag, folks, but she didn’t want to have to pay for it. For the 50 cent bag! Perhaps she blew her wad on the discount dog, I don’t know, but for whatever reason this woman spent 10 minutes at the cash and would not leave or move to the side.

Like in every horror movie where zombies are involved, the masses kept on coming. There were 50 cent hot dogs to be had, for cryin’ out loud! 50. Cent. Hot. Dogs. Although there was nowhere to go, in the 10 minutes that lady stood there, the line kept creeping forward, faces turned upward to the luminous sign ahead. “Do I want one hot dog or two?” I pondered as the little girl behind me became the little girl beside me, and then the little girl in front of me. People continued to squish up out of the queue, trying to place their order with the IKEA employee who looked like she wanted to bury her head behind the counter to protect her delicious yummy brains head.

Since there was nothing to do but wait and debate the one hot dog or two issue, I wasn’t too surprised when a dispute broke out behind me. “You need to go to a therapist for that,” a man’s voice boomed. I couldn’t help but think that he was having quite the heavy conversation with his friend for being in an IKEA line. Then I realized he didn’t know the person he was speaking to. The altercation escalated when the man behind him didn’t back up (as if he could). “Do you understand English? Do you know what a psychiatrist is? You need one!” The first man shrieked as he grabbed his kid’s shoulder and pressed hard. “You need to back up! Back up! Don’t get so close to me again!” By now he was practically shouting in the other man’s face. To give the second guy credit; he didn’t respond, didn’t get mad or embarrassed, he just tried his hardest to back up out of that guy’s face, which was quite the feat considering how we were standing three-a-breast in a two-a-breast queue.

You know, I get it. I get it. I really do. You come out to IKEA for what should be a 30 minute trip, an hour tops, but you forget what a time suck IKEA can be and stumble out 3 hours later with a bunch of cheap sh*t that costs you more than you thought you would be paying. You’ve waited in the world’s longest check-out queue only to find out that some lanes only take cash, some only take credit cards, and some take both and there are at least two people ahead of you who can’t figure out which is which so they let some people go ahead, leave the line, and re-enter the line (you don’t mind, right? I mean they were here before you). You finally pay and are trying to juggle all of your purchases that were supposed to be affordable, but ended up costing you more than your car payment for the month and all you want is a G.D. 50 CENT DOG for your kid who should have been in bed AN HOUR AGO and this WACKADOODLE is pushing up on ya like they’re a video ho and you’re paying their rent. You would like to be rational at this point and calmly discuss proper line etiquette and personal space, but you’re pretty sure your brain checked out 30 minutes ago and even more sure the guy in front of you has been muttering “braaaains” under his breath for at least 5 minutes.

However, yelling at someone with your kid there because you want a 50 cent hot dog is really lame and embarrassing for everyone who is not you. So chill, man. We’re all getting felt up together and it will be over soon, so close your eyes and take it like a man. There’s a 50 cent hot dog in it for you, and if you’re real good, a $1 ice cream too.

That Just Happened!

*this is based on no facts whatsoever, I just thought it made a good title for this post. Disney could, and probably does, have the best hot dogs.

I am a bit behind in posting some book reviews, so this week and next that is primarily what I am going to be posting.  I hope everyone in the U.S. had an  awesome Thanksgiving and spent some time with loved ones.  This weekend was particularly busy for MPW and I.  We did a lot of visiting and my dear friends Becky and Jeremy were kind enough to dog-sit for us.  (She is, after all, a super dog sitter.)

On Saturday we went to my Aunt Sharon’s house to visit with her and the family.  She lives outside the GTA, in a small community, so it kind of feels like you are going to a cottage.  In the summer there is even a river that you can go tubing down!  It was a lot of fun to see them and catch up.  Then it was on to the next stop…

That night we went to Chris and Elizabeth’s house for their annual Christmas party.  It was so nice to hang around and not have to worry about the dog, or getting home in time to take the dog out.  Their little girl, Sydney, is one year old soon and quite the little mover.  She is all over the place, though as the night went on and she got sleepier she was walking like she was on a swaying boat. 

This was taken 6 months ago, so you can imagine how big she’s become.  Unfortunately, MPW and I both didn’t think to bring our cameras. 

The other awesome part about this weekend was being able to spend time with people who are super excited for MPW and I.  Yes, that’s right.  Excited.  For our news.  And now I get to share it with all of my bloggy-friends.  MPW and I are engaged!  Yes, after 9 years of relationship bliss (and a lot of not-so-subtle hints), we have   MPW has finally decided to make it official.  And I have the ring to prove it!   We’re looking at 2012 to get married, so there is a lot of time to plan this thing.  Also, I promise I will keep posting about books and random other stuff, I have no intention of turning this into a wedding-planning blog.  There may be the occasional story, because weddings get crazy and people who have them get crazy and people who help with them get crazy, and of course I would have to share, but the wedding stuff will be kept to a minimum.  So, yeah.  I feel like an elephant has been lifted off my chest, but another slightly smaller animal is taking the spot…there is a lot to do.  However, for now we are just going to enjoy being engaged.  I haven’t even bought a wedding magazine yet!  (Hey, I sad “yet”, there will be magazines.)  I’m getting married!!!

YEAH, THAT JUST HAPPENED!