Family Traditions and Funerals
Posted in At Home, Family on 10/30/2011 08:00 am by JennNew Years Day has always held a special place in my heart. I come from a very large family (my Dad has 11 brothers and sisters) and every year all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins would converge on my house for a party. My Mom would be up all night preparing, shopping and cleaning to get ready for the descent into madness. The cousins would play and rough-house in the basement, while my aunts would be in the kitchen offering my Mom help (which she would usually refuse). My uncles would be holed up in the basement smoking and drinking and playing cards. It would take weeks for the smoke to clear from the basement, even with the double doors that opened out to the backyard. It was a pretty chilly place to be for the whole month of January.
My Aunt Judy and Uncle Brian would always be the first to arrive with their kids Michael and Steve. They were also the last to leave. Steve used to team up with my cousin Shannon and they would antagonize the smaller ones. It would end up with us all piling on them in an attempt to body slam them to the floor. Hey, what can I say? My family loved the WWE. Small dramas would play out in the kitchen. With six sisters someone is bound to be having an argument with someone else. I think of all the time Stephtastic and I spent fighting as kids and I can only imagine what it would be like times 6! Sometimes the kids would sneak up and try to eavesdrop until one of our aunts noticed and booted us back down to the basement.
Of course, the men would stay out of it. If you could pick the place furthest from the kitchen, that’s where they would be; in the furthest corner of the basement holed up around the table playing poker until the late hours of the night. After that night there would literally be cases upon cases of empties stacked in the basement waiting to be returned, the yeasty smell combining with the smoke smell. It sounds gross, but it is kind of comforting. Stale beer still makes me a little nostalgic.
There were also small (and large) dramas played out amongst the cousins. There was definitely a hierarchy at play there. Older siblings would hide from younger siblings because they were annoying. Younger siblings would try to find older siblings because they wanted to annoy them. There are three very notable incidences from this time that I remember so well.
As you can imagine there is quite the spread in ages between the cousins. I won’t even try to guess the oldest cousin’s age (and I certainly wouldn’t broadcast it on the internet. The youngest first cousin in my extended family is actually my brother. So, when some of us were in our early teens, others were older and dating, and occasionally their partner could be duped convinced threatened within an inch of their life to come. Once when we were playing hide and seek a few of us decided to hide in the bathtub and our cousin’s boyfriend came in. We just about died, we really didn’t want him to pee in front of us, but we also didn’t want to be caught hiding there looking like perverts. Before we could make up our mind on a course of action, my cousin came in and they started making out. Well, that was just about as much as we could take and we were convulsing in fits of silent laughter. I think we were just relieved he didn’t drop trou. They ended up leaving after a short amount of time and we burst out laughing and shouting “oh my god!” My cousin didn’t ever bring him around again, and I don’t think she ever found out that we were in there. Unless she happens to read this. In which case…um…moving on…
One of my cousins, who is close to my age, has a sister Stephtastic’s age. Of course it was “us versus them” mentality and we frequently refused to play with them, or let them in my room. One time Stephtastic and the younger sister went missing for a while. We were all playing nicely when we realized the two of them hadn’t been by to bother us in a while. We went to look for them and it was a good thing we did. We finally found them in the furnace room dressing our dog up in a pink party dress. The moment we opened the door the dog went shooting out and ran around the basement in paroxysms of fear. We couldn’t believe that they would dress up the dog; we also couldn’t believe they spent so much time doing it.
The third most memorable thing that happened was again an “us versus them” moment. My cousin Chris was close to my age and he had two younger brothers. We were running around trying to get rid of them and decided to go into the spare bedroom. We raced in there and tried slamming the door, but it wouldn’t close. Figuring his brothers were pushing on it, Chris took a running jump and slammed his whole body in it. There was a second of silence and then an ear-splitting scream. All we could hear were the pounding of footsteps as the aunts came to investigate. It turns out Chris’ brother had his finger in the door and when it closed, it did so on that. His finger was smushed completely and he was howling. All Chris and I could say was, “Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!” Luckily, his brother was very young at the time and when you are young your bones are almost soft, so his finger literally bounced back. Also, someone thought to distract him by offering him a cookie at which he promptly stopped crying and started saying, “Cookie? Cookie? More cookie?” Yeah, Chris and I were pretty lucky that day.
My cousin Shannon passed away in a tragic accident when I was in my early teens. I always think of him when I hear “Poison” by Bell Biv DeVoe. My cousin Chris passed away about 10 years ago, also due to a tragic accident.
Earlier this year we lost my Aunt Judy to cancer. Last Friday we lost my Uncle Bruce due to an illness that set in quickly, and the negligence of the hospital staff. Two days later on Sunday night, my Uncle Gary passed away after a long illness. In each case they have left behind family that loves them and will miss them terribly.
I hate getting older, when you aren’t shielded from death and you are forced to deal with it more frequently. I hate that everyone is getting older and diseases like cancer claim more of my family. I hate that I can remember being out with my Dad and having him go say hello to someone he knew, only to find out he was the director of the funeral home (who was a lovely man, it’s just not someone you want to know through their “work”). I hate that needless deaths occur and there is nothing you can do to prevent them.
I hate that I don’t know what to say to make it better. I am a “do-er”, I like to solve problems and tackle problems head-on. It is not a good feeling to know that you can’t do anything except just be there as a passive participant. I know everyone has these stories. I know everyone can relate. I know that if it were happening to a member of my immediate family, I don’t know what I would need from my friends and family.
I love having these memories of New Year’s Day. I love that growing up I had such a positive experience and a chance to reconnect with my cousins. With such a large family, it can be difficult keeping up with everyone. I’m not entirely sure why we stopped having New Year’s Day, but when I get a house of my own, I think I may try and bring it back. After all there are a lot of second and third cousins that could benefit from the camaraderie and fun these parties bring. Also, I’m pretty sure Steve wants to prove he can still body slam someone. With marriages, divorces, births and deaths things change really quickly. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that basement. Yeasty beer, smoke smells, and all.
That Just Happened!
